In an era of instant opinions and constant conflict, wisdom often feels like a rare commodity. Yet, true wisdom is not about having all the answers—it is about recognising the complexity of life, understanding opposing viewpoints, and weighing them with fairness and clarity.
This skill has shaped leaders, resolved conflicts, and saved relationships. Let’s explore what it means through real-life examples that bring this timeless principle to life.
What Does It Mean to See Both Sides?
At its core, wisdom is not about picking a side prematurely. It is about:
- Recognising the limitations of your own perspective.
- Listening deeply to understand rather than react.
- Balancing emotion and reason to arrive at sound judgments.
This balance between empathy and critical thinking distinguishes the wise from the merely intelligent.
1. Abraham Lincoln: Navigating a Divided Nation
During America’s Civil War, Abraham Lincoln faced immense pressure. On one hand, abolitionists demanded the immediate eradication of slavery. On the other, business owners and Southern states feared economic collapse if slavery ended abruptly.
Lincoln’s wisdom lay in understanding both sides—not to justify slavery but to appreciate the deep-rooted fears and dependencies behind it. His measured approach—such as the Emancipation Proclamation and political compromises—allowed for progress without total societal implosion.
Insight: Wisdom requires resisting the temptation of absolutism. It involves gradual, thoughtful change that accounts for human realities.
2. A Marriage Saved Through Perspective
Consider a couple on the verge of divorce. The wife felt neglected because her husband worked long hours. The husband believed his sacrifices at work were for the family’s future.
A counsellor asked them a simple question: “What does your partner’s behaviour look like through their own eyes?”
When the wife began to understand her husband’s financial anxieties, and the husband saw his wife’s emotional loneliness, they both softened. They agreed to set new boundaries—reduced overtime and shared evenings—saving their relationship.
Insight: In personal relationships, wisdom often means stepping into another person’s reality before asserting your own.
3. The Ancient Chinese Generals: Choosing Diplomacy Over War
In ancient China, two rival generals were prepared for battle. One, instead of launching an all-out attack, invited his opponent to negotiate. Over tea, he listened to his enemy’s grievances: land disputes, food shortages, and fear of betrayal.
By acknowledging these concerns, the generals forged a peace treaty that lasted decades. The decision spared thousands of lives and created stability in the region.
Insight: Wisdom sometimes means understanding that victory is not about defeating an opponent, but about building a sustainable peace.
Why Do People Struggle to See Both Sides?
Many of us are conditioned to:
- Pick a side quickly and defend it fiercely.
- Equate decisiveness with strength and reflection with weakness.
- Seek certainty in a complex, uncertain world.
However, wisdom is not indecision. It is deliberate discernment, the ability to hold competing truths in tension and act with clarity.
How to Cultivate the Skill of Weighing Both Sides
- Listen to Understand, Not Respond
When faced with an opposing opinion, ask yourself: “What experiences might have led this person to think this way?” - Separate Emotion from Evaluation
Strong emotions can cloud judgment. Take time to cool off before deciding. - Ask Probing Questions
Challenge assumptions on both sides, including your own: “What might I be missing here?” - Consider Long-Term Consequences
Ask, “What will this decision look like in five years?” This future-oriented perspective often clarifies the best path.
The Strength of Balanced Judgment
True wisdom is not about being neutral or passive. It is about developing a clear-sighted understanding of reality, weighing it carefully, and then acting with purpose.
In a polarised world, this ability to see both sides makes you not just a problem-solver but a peacemaker and a builder of trust. It equips you to make decisions that endure because they reflect a deep understanding of human nature.
Final Reflection:
The next time you face a difficult decision—whether in business, relationships, or personal growth—pause. Consider the other side, weigh the options with care, and remember that wisdom often lies in nuance, not noise.
